Books that inspire strength, positive emotion, and upward spirals
During the pandemic, a school counselor read The Mouse, the Monster and Me to second graders over Zoom.
The Winning Family: Where No One Has to Lose is a more in-depth guide for helping parents build their own self-esteem skills, being more “Me” than monster and mouse.
Child abuse happens when things go terribly wrong. Parents need to know it’s all about prevention, and they can make a difference. Because we want to put The Winning Family into every parent’s hands, the ebook is on sale this week for 99¢!
Understanding power dynamics is crucial for a safer world. A 1992 study revealed that, of all the industrialized nations, the United States was the most violent, and since then, police violence has increased (disproportionately so against Black Americans). Worldwide, women and children are the primary victims of violence, and men are the primary perpetrators. Conditioned to accept violence and trained to commit violence, many men have difficulty talking about how it affects them—as perpetrators or as targets, when they are victims of child abuse, rape, or war.
Violence is the number-one health hazard in this country, more threatening than cancer, heart disease, or even automobiles. Here are some 2020 statistics.5
Every family has to deal with violence in some form or another, within the home, among extended family, in the community, or on the news. Children raised in violent homes learn violence as a way of life, doing unto others what was done unto them or what their parents did to each other, unless they find safety in which to heal and make new choices. Many boys raised in violent households become perpetrators, while their sisters learn to accept abuse as normal.
Violence of all kinds is reaching epidemic proportions in US families, and it does not stay within families. Childhood maltreatment roughly doubles the probability that an individual engages in many types of crime.6 Because violence creates ripples, domestic violence is not a private family problem. It affects all levels of society.
Violence has become so widespread in our society that we have come to accept it as normal, but it not normal. In fact, America is below average compared to other developed countries, according to the International Peace Index.7
Raising children with positivity will not protect them from all bullying and violence, but it absolutely builds resilience and instills a respectful and compassionate moral code, plus a sense of empathy and justice.
If you live in an abusive home, be responsible for your own safety and that of your children. You must find someone to talk to. You must get help. Visualize what you want for yourself, and muster your courage to make a change.
Timing is important. Protect yourself and your kids from harm. This is your right and your responsibility.
If you were raised in an abusive family, instead of repeating past mistakes, learn from them. Remember what it was like for you. Instead of wounding your children, heal yourself. You didn’t deserve abuse; neither do your kids. Seek information. Get help. Find supports. Believe in yourself. Be smart as you build your inner strength and skills. Develop a vision of hope. You can move away from past destructive patterns and create a positive healthy future for yourself and your beloved children.
We are so excited to announce the return of Dr. Pat Palmer’s assertiveness classic for kids, The Mouse, the Monster, and Me. Charmingly illustrated by artist Sue Ramá, this book helps kids see the difference between aggressive “monster” and passive “mouse” behaviors, and learn how to get what they want by being a respectful “me” to themselves and others. A trusted resource for teaching non-violent conflict management and reducing bullying dynamics. Teachers, parents, and school counselors love using this book to help youngsters learn how to assert themselves appropriately, building self-esteem and safer, happier relationships.
In upcoming months, watch for the re-release of the Spanish version of this book, plus the Spanish and English versions of Liking Myself, Dr. Pat’s companion guide that teaches fundamental self-esteem skills to kids.
These books will be part of the new “Me, Myself, I” series, which will grow to include stand-alone sections of both books as well as a book for pre-schoolers.
Much has changed since I became a mom. Mental illness is no longer a dirty secret, and mental health is considered as important as physical health. Neuroscience has validated all of this book’s wisdom, and studies on psychological strengths have, in fact, created a new field of psychology focused on flourishing—the state of growth above and beyond recovering. In fact, the term positive parenting, which we coined in one of Mom’s brochures over thirty years ago, is now widely used for reinforcing positive behavior. Positive parenting isn’t about making kids behave. Instead of the outside-in word behavior, we prefer the inside-out word agency. We focus on building inner authority, creativity, and positive self-esteem. We focus on connection.
Today, writers, bloggers, coaches, and teachers offer many parenting styles: helicopter parenting, gentle parenting, good-enough parenting. What we want to encourage in this book is real enthusiasm for the power of love in a family—empathy and understanding; belonging and strength.
Positive parenting is based on the foundational concept that nurturing positive emotion makes us more capable and happy. The goal of this book is to “improve family life by better understanding the dynamics of love, parenthood, and commitment,” which positive psychology textbooks cry out for. However, our philosophy goes even further than that; the tools we teach can help end cycles of trauma and violence that have gripped humanity for millennia.
My blended win-lose family was nothing unusual. Among the many changes to this edition is the addition of a chapter on broken or divided families, with insights into what makes re-mixed families work. I don’t know much about my stepmom’s upbringing, but my father’s was certainly traumatic and tumultuous, in spite of his cheerful spirit. Of my three parents, my mom was the only one who transformed herself, by taking the time to examine and release her own dysfunctional patterns. She worked hard to free herself from the trauma that shaped her, and now she shows others how to do it. One of her readers said, “This book is better than years of therapy.”
Currently, the world is having an awakening about the intergenerational effects of ancestral, generational, and childhood toxic stress, trauma, and violence. A Kaiser study changed the world when it revealed that Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)3 negatively affect our mental, emotional, and physical health all our lives, even into old age, and into the lives of our grandchildren.
The Winning Family has always been about creating Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs or PACEs) that build resilience. Many of us have experienced childhood trauma, and our “natural” responses to the world are “off,” but we now know more about overcoming, healing, and well-being. In trauma, we lose. In resilience, we win.
In her Fall newsletter, Dr. Hart writes:
Have you read The Winning Family yet? Please leave a review so other readers can find it!
Kristen Caven and Dr. Louise Hart are a mother-daughter writing team who teach social and emotional well-being for parents and children of all ages. Their latest book, The Winning Family: Where No One Has to Lose helps readers develop the win-win life skills that build self-esteem, confidence, and unconditional love in family relationships. First published in 1987 by Dodd, Mead, this book (formerly subtitled Building Self-Esteem in Your Children and Yourself) broke ground for the self-esteem movement in the 1990s, and the authors coined the term “positive parenting” to describe the philosophy and techniques that bring out the best in children and help them reach their full potential and flourish.
Adding new chapters on bodies and brains, boundaries, and media addiction to the original chapters — on communication and empowerment; guidance, touch, and play; self-care, self-talk, and beliefs; problem solving and perfectionism; extended family, leadership, divorce and power dynamics—this book delivers information parents want and need. A welcoming, inclusive narrative addresses cultural and self-esteem issues—related to race, gender, religion, special needs and spectrum diversity, poverty, crime, abuse, and broken/blended families—in the full context of trauma recovery, emotional intelligence, and ACEs, (adverse childhood experiences). This book shows how to build PACEs (positive childhood experiences), which build lifelong health. Engaging and accessible personal stories make the concepts highly relatable.
“By supporting this beloved book, you are getting behind the idea that families should be places of positivity and growth for kids and parents alike,” said Kristen Caven in the team’s pre-launch video. “This book is an updated edition of a beloved parenting classic that can help a new generation to look beyond behavior, and empower kids as they themselves grow.” According to Caven, whose voice leads this edition, this project has deep roots in her own family, a vivid contrast of toxic and healthy relationships. Conflict resolution skills, anger management, healthy child development, and expectations management are skills she, as a child of divorce, wishes all parents could be knowledgeable about and skilled in, a problem this inspiring, hopeful book addresses.
Dr. Louise Hart is a community psychologist and motivational speaker who has delivered over 400 presentations around the US and internationally. Kristen Caven is a credentialed trainer in positive psychology, who also leads the founding branch of the California Writers Club. Together they founded Uplift Press & Programs in Oakland, California. New editions of their other books, Wings of Self-Esteem and The Bullying Antidote, plus emotional health books for kids Liking Myself and The Mouse, the Monster, and Me by Dr. Pat Palmer are forthcoming through Uplift Press.
The Winning Family: Where No One Has to Lose will be available everywhere books are sold on September 1st, 2022.
Source: AB Newswire
We’re having our launch party in Oakland!
Meet Dr. Louise Hart and Kristen Caven, co-authors of The Winning Family: Where No One Has to Lose at this neighborhood book launch! The mother/daughter team will talk about the evolution of the 35th Anniversary edition, read chapter excerpts, and do a Q&A. Parenting questions welcome!
“What can I say, this book is life changing.! If you truly care about the happiness of your children and the world they live in, this book is for you. This book can be use as a daily resource for parenting improvement and a fun text to help you and your parenting partner to bond, heal and improve your life as a parent.” —J.M. Madrigal
There will a raffle at the Library for our books for children and adults, which will also be available at the Winning Family Park Party afterwards in Dimond Park. Bring a sack lunch and enjoy some playground games by the one, the only Mr. Caven of Horace Mann Elementary!
Say you’re coming on Facebook!
A new edition of The Winning Family will be coming out this fall. Louise and Kristen have been pouring over every chapter to update this beloved classic for a new generation of parents, in celebration of The Winning Family’s 35th anniversary, we invite you to follow our Kickstarter and get connected with all of our positive parenting resources.
Whether or not you choose to back this project, we urge you to see the video. The book is full of so many much-needed ideas, techniques, and guidelines for parents that you might also want to support the project on behalf of a friend or family member.
Check out our chapter list for all of the areas of parenting we cover:
Uplift Press is excited to announce…
Dr. Louise Hart and Kristen Caven have co-authored three books: The Winning Family, On the Wings of Self-Esteem, and The Bullying Antidote. Co-founders of Uplift Press and Uplift Programs, our presentations to parents focus on creating families where no one has to lose.
Illustrated with sweet, uplifting images, this terrific resource presents a collection of chapters from the updated edition of The Winning Family, which will be coming out in 2022:
Sign up and we’ll send you an email with a link so you can read the ebook as an epub, mobi (for Kindle), or pdf.
